Up there with public speaking and flying, the fear of not being good enough fills us with anxiety and is holding us back from grasping opportunities and living a full and awesome life.
Not feeling good enough is one of the most common tugs on our confidence and self-belief. It is one of the most frequent fears to crop up in my 1-1 sessions, workshops and when chatting to friends.
We have all had that fear from time to time.
In the age of social media it has become even more difficult to resist being sucked into the abiss of comparison, self-loathing and not feeling good enough. We are constantly bombarded with edited showreels of peoples lives and even though we know that they’re just showreels, we can still get carried away with thoughts of unworthiness.
I was chatting to a client of mine the other day and we got on to this subject and she mentioned not feeling spiritual enough…. The practices in her life that ‘should’ be bringing peace and comfort were becoming a cause of discomfort and stress, as she wondered if she should be doing something different or more.
She’s not alone either, I have had this conversation many times before… the feeling of becoming overwhelmed with things that are supposed to make us feel good.
Green juice, yoga, meditation, morning pages, gratitude, run, study…. all before 8am – aaarrrrgh!! Well, that has been my experience anyway.
So I couldn’t have pulled a better card today, from Danielle La Porte’s #truthbomb deck…
“Be your own guru!”
There is no such thing as not being spiritual enough or good enough. We are all good enough and spirituality (life!) ultimately boils down to one practice…
The Beatles were right you know – all you need is love! I know, I know corny but it’s true.
To lead an awesome and full life, you won’t go far wrong if you start with love, for yourself, others and the world we live in. Do whatever works for you.
Everything else, is simply a means to an end. That end being… LOVE. Got it?
We are all completely beautiful, unique beings and what makes one person feel good won’t necessarily be the same for the next and whatever routines, practices, faith you have in your life, it only has to feel right for you.
Teachers, practices, rituals, cards, books all help us on our way to enlightenment but we have all the answer within us already. You know the truth and have everything you need.
You ARE enough!
So let your spiritual practices, your work, your life all be about love and “be your own guru”.
P.S. Are you ready to create the business and life you desire this year? I have designed the #SoulFire Woman to support you in becoming the woman you’ve always wanted to be, who you really are and taking your online / coaching business from start up, to thriving; so you can create the income and impact you’re here to make.
It’s your time!
It’s THE most beautiful sunny day in London and I’m currently sitting in my favourite, sunny, window seat, in our local coffee shop, after a lovely long walk with my BFF and spiritual guru, #troythespottyrescuedog. This boy has my heart and he’s doing well at the grand age of 14 but as I notice him slowing each day, I cherish every single moment with him even more and I am finding a new deep appreciation for life, love and soul connections.
Troy is teaching me to slow my pace, to be super grateful for what is and to live in the present, even more. Today is all we really have.
I don’t believe in New Years resolutions but I have made myself a promise this year instead… I promise to truly create the life I desire and not let any opportunities pass me by and to do all I can to take continue my self development and take the action I need, to do whatever it takes to make it happen. My desires are non-negotiable.
What’s non-negotiable for you?
What do you desire?
How are you going to manifest those desires?
You have the power to manifest your true desires. If you really want something you won’t be able to stop thinking about it, when you do think about it, every cell in your body will light up, you’ll believe you can really have it and you’ll do whatever it takes to create it. That’s the energy it takes…
Your desires are there for a reason and are totally possible for you. They’re already there waiting for you – all you have to do is become an energetic match for them….
P.S. Are you ready to create the business and life you desire this year? I would love to talk to you, to help you bridge the gap between where you are now and where you want to be. Be The Queen of 2016! Book a FREE Clarity Call now
P.P.S – We have another incredible Desire Map Workshop weekend coming up in SW London on 6-7 Feb… these are my absolute favourite weekends and I’d love you to join us for some meaningful conversations, fun and soul-sister connections. This is a chance to take a good look at what’s working, what’s not working and uncover your core desired feelings to get more of what you want in your business and life. Book now to secure your place.
I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “I’ll believe it when I see it” but I believe the opposite it true, that you have to believe it first…
I’ve been speaking to lots of people about the fear of not being good enough recently, which is something we all experience from time to time. That got me thinking about all the times I’ve manifested the things I desire and one of the common threads is that I’ve had complete self- belief and confidence that I will get it, experience it or create it. I believed it was already mine.
From relationships to jobs and even money, when I’m clear about exactly what it is I want, visualise it and believe it will happen, it happens. The opposite has also been true… if I have any doubt, my reality matches my belief.
We have to be a vibrational match for the things we desire. If we don’t believe we’ll ever get that relationship, that job, the money, the house, or whatever else, we probably won’t. If we believe we’re not good enough, we’ll feel that way and experience situations that add to those feelings.
Lack of belief blocks us from manifesting the things we desire, as we we’ll always be holding something of ourselves back. When we don’t fully believe, we won’t take inspired action, we’ll make excuses, become distracted and despondent and then give up before we’ve even given it a real shot.
Everything that has ever been created began as an idea and in someone’s unwavering belief that it would become a reality. Cars, air travel, the telephone, landing on the moon! You wouldn’t be reading this if it wasn’t for someone believing in the possibility of the internet… what a mad idea that must’ve seemed to some?! – it still blows my mind… here I am typing words on a screen, that will soon be available for people to read worldwide!
Thomas Edison attempted 10,000 times before he invented the electric light bulb!
“I have not failed 10,000 times—I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.”
Whatever we want to experience externally, we must believe internally first. We need to believe in ourselves and our desires.
So if you’re feeling stuck and not experiencing the things you desire, begin by looking at your beliefs.
What thoughts are you listening to?
What limiting beliefs do you have?
The first step to manifesting is to understand and let go of those blocks. Get to know what thoughts might be cluttering your mind with fears and doubt, make room for self-affirming thoughts and new energy…
“Energy flows where attention goes!”
It also helps to clear any physical blocks. If you want to manifest something new but are holding on to the old, how will there be room for anything?
For example, if you’d like some new clothes but have a wardrobe full of stuff you never wear, you’re not making room for anything new and are sending a message to yourself and the universe that you need to hold on to the old as you don’t fully believe you’re going to get (or maybe deserve!?) something new. By holding on to the old, whatever that is, we’re practicing a scarcity mentality.
There is enough to go around but we must believe that!
Belief is one step to manifesting what we desire, we must also be completely clear on what it is we want. Book a FREE clarity call with me and learn how you can get what you want and take fierce action towards creating the life you dream of.
I almost cried on stage the other night when one of my workshop attendees proclaimed to the group that she found it really difficult to think about anything she loved about herself, as she found it hard enough to think of anything she liked about herself. This beautiful and witty woman (I’m guessing in her 60’s) made the whole group chuckle as she went on to pick apart her appearance and continued with how we feel worse the older we get.
“The more negative thoughts we focus on, the more the story builds and we barely have a leg to stand on, when we stand on trial, in front of our mirror jury of one and are immediately sent to the jail of not good enough!”
While she was funny and making light of it all, what she was telling us was her truth and my heart broke for her, for the years spent not realising or embracing her unique beauty and for all the many other women who feel the same, wasting so much energy scrutinising our appearances and trying to squeeze into an unrealistic beauty mold, set by an f’ed up patriarchal society and beauty/ advertising industries that pray on our insecurities.
I spent many years in comparrison overwhelm, speaking to myself unkindly and seeking aproval from others and while I am by no means immune to it all now I decided a long time ago that I was going to re-direct my attention to postive thoughts and affirmations, learning to love myself and appreciate the unique beauty we ALL have. It’s not always easy and I suspect a lifelong practice and commitment but we only have this body and relatively short life in this form, so surely it’s better to practice focussing on all the great things about ourselves and feeling greatful for all we have?!
We are much more affective if we feel good – if we start with kindness and compassion for ourselves, we are able to offer much more to others and be of higher service in the world. We invite others to treat us the way we feel about ourselves too – our energy is visable and introduces us before we do.
Confidence, is an energy and is ultimately wrapped up in how we present ourselves, which is linked to how we feel about ourselves.
I don’t believe anyone ever feels 100% confident (we’re only human after all) but we can commit to treating ourselves with the same love and respect we wish for our loved ones and in practicing positivity and gratitude we can learn to like ourselves, then love ourselves more.
There’s no time but the present! It’s especially vital for us to lead by example and share positive body confidence with our children.
Here are 5 ways you can begin practicing self-love today:
1- Positive Affirmations & Gratitude
Our subconcious doesn’t differentiate between true and false, it simply believes everything we feed it as fact and files it away, to be brought up to back up a matching thought later. So you can see how easy it is to get sucked into negative thought patterns – the more negative thoughts we focus on, the more the story builds and we barely have a leg to stand on, when we stand on trial, in front of our mirror jury of one and are immediately sent to the jail of not good enough!
Be mindful of your inner monologue. If you catch yourself thinking anything negative, be kind, forgive yourself and replace it with a positive thought about yourself or with something you’re grateful for. Gratitude is always a good place to start as it’s impossible to also be negative if we focus on what we’re grateful for. Also try using positive affirmations, even if you don’t believe them at first- remember, our subconcious doesn’t know the difference – our ethos at Bodhi Babes is: Brave, Bold, Beautiful – try saying I am Brave, I am Bold, I am Beautiful anytime you need a bit of a confidence boost or need to interrupt negative thoughts about yourself.
3- Nourish Yourself
As well as being mindful of toxic thoughts, it’s also important to be mindful of what other poisons we’re feeding ourselves. Everything that goes into our bodies, minds and comes into contact with our skin is absorbed by our cells and affects the way we feel, mentally and physically. So, the more natural, wholefoods and vitamin filled, plant based products we use the better, to support our bodies in performing at an optimal level.
Exercise will help you look and feel your best. Movement is also great to get you out of your head and into your body… you’ll soon find out how you’re feeling once you get moving. If you’re feeling stuck, down or sad, head out the door for at least a 10 min walk and you’ll feel so much better! For maximum benefits get outside for some vitamin D and fresh air. There are loads of great outdoor fitness classes available and many offer a free trial. Google what’s on in your local area. Meetup is also a great way to find fitness groups, which are often cheaper and sometimes free.
If you’re not ready for a class just yet, a regular brisk walk in the park will do wonders for your mood and figure! If you’d like a companion, why not offer to walk someone’s dog for them: www.borrowmydoggy.com
Walking is also a great way to catch up with friends… ditch the tea and cake and get moving ladies! OK, tea and cake is sometimes needed too!
4- Find Your Tribe
“We are a combination of the 5 people we spend most time with.”
The people we spend our time with influence how we behave and feel, so we had better choose wisely! Maybe it’s time for an audit of the people you spend time with? Which arrangements do you make that you don’t really want to? Which people are draining your energy? Be mindful of how you spend your time and who with.
“Magic happens, when women come together for a common purpose. When women support one another, we are a force to be reckoned with!”
5- Connect With Nature
I jumped on to Periscope last night (something I’m still getting used to) and asked my lovely audience what things they did for self-care and to help them feel good about themselves and lots of great things came up, including: massage, meditation and my favourite – walks in nature. I always feel great after time in nature, whether that’s a walk with my dog, Troy, running through fields or SUPing. It’s really grounding and a wonderful way to get some peace. So even if it’s just 10 mins on the grass at your local park, take some time to unplug and reconnect in nature today.
I’d love to hear what helps you to feel good about yourself, please let us know in the comments below.
If you are struggling to feel good about yourself and life, check out our Brave, Bold, Beautiful online course, and Bodhi Babes Desire Map Workshops, I’d love you to join our amazing Facebook Group and would be honoured to guide you in manifesting the life you desire. Or if you would prefer a bespoke plan, book in for some 1-1 sessions with me.
Every day I journal and plan in my #DesireMap planner, which as well as a planning/ journal section, also has space for setting intentions, goals and keeping track on progress, each week, month and throughout the year. It’s also filled with inspirational quotes and thoughts – today’s was: “pick a song for each of your core desired feelings”
So I’ve put together a mini play-list of songs that resonate with my CDFs today:
Vibrant – Clap Your Hands, Parov Stelar
Inspire – Your Soul, Rhodes
Bodhi – How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful, Florence & The Machine